Send in the clowns
by idioticonion
Summary: It's 2020 and Robin has given up her job in Paris to return to New York. But things aren't quite the way she left them a month before.
1. Chapter 1

**Send in the clowns**

2020

_Just when I'd stopped opening doors,  
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,  
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,  
Sure of my lines, no one is there._

Robin stopped herself, hand in her purse, rummaging for the key to his apartment. She ran her hand through her long, unruly locks, rubbed her eyes and straightened her blouse. She may be tired, jetlagged and irritable but she hadn't seen him for a month and she would be damned if she didn't look presentable!

Heart in her mouth, she slotted the key into the lock and turned it. This was it. This was right. This was the time.

She was finally ready!

"Hi honey, I'm ho-" She called out her usual ironic greeting, the words dying on her lips as she realised he wasn't home after all. She checked her watch - it was a little after nine. After his apartment, there were very few places that Barney Stinson would be at this time on a Friday night.

She grinned, dumping down her bags on his leather sofa and yawned. She knew exactly where to check first but she pulled out her cell phone. Another missed call from him! It had been like this all week - both of them crazy busy and her in another country on another continent - it was the story of her life.

It had been the story of her life.

And now here she was, suddenly back home in New York. She was here to surprise him - both with her unexpected presence and also her news. No, she wasn't getting cold feet - this had been the right decision. After all, a month in Paris had been plenty enough time to miss him and in the last week it had dawned on her that he'd been right all along. Barney had told her repeatedly to give up her apartment as she was always with him when she was in New York. But some weird, lingering mix of pride and independence had let her to protest, to dig in her Gucci heels and hang on to the last remnant of her twenties, the apartment she'd bought when Ted and Sarah had got their own place. She'd been cutting off her nose to spite her face.

And yes, there had been a time when she'd worried that this insane attraction she felt for Barney would burn out - because no one could have as much sex as they did, have the _kind_ of sex they did, without it burning out. But it never had, and over time she'd grown to accept that it probably never would, and she'd always miss him like the ache of a missing limb when they were apart.

So it seemed crazy to remain apart for another two months.

The correspondent's job, based in NYC, was primetime and would give her financial security - things that she'd somehow managed to avoid through her late twenties and early thirties. But as forty loomed ever closer, that dreaded birthday that rang the death knell of her youth, Robin found herself wanting something new.

She wanted Barney. She wanted a home to come back to after her (soon to be) brief travels.

She even had a speech prepared.

And the bastard didn't have the good grace to be there.

*--*--*

_Isn't it rich? Are we a pair?  
Me here at last on the ground, you in mid-air._

"Robin!" The cry rang out from her three friends, crowded around a small table in Batemen's Bar, the watering hole that had replaced MacLaren's when Ted and Sarah had moved to Yorkville. Lily squealed and jumped up and down in her arms, grinning widely, still looking ten years younger than she had any right too.

Marshall's hair was thinning while Ted's was flecked with grey at the temples. They were all getting older.

"Where's Barney?" She asked, as soon as they stopped hugging her and let her speak.

"He's flying to Washington!" Marshall replied with a smile.

"Washington?" Robin shook her head, grinning. Typical! She comes all the way back to the US and Barney was . The weird thing was, she was considering just hopping on a plane and going right after him. Screw how stupid that sounded. He was going to be so far away!

"Yeah," Marshall trailed off as Lily and Ted looked at her. "He's just been sent to the Altrucell head office, in DC. We just said goodbye. He's probably in the air right now."

"Wait a minute, Barney's going to Washington _DC_?"

"You did know about that, right?"

Marshall dragged another chair over to their table and Robin sank down into it gratefully. "Where's Sarah?" She asked Ted, unable to process her intense disappointment about the whole Barney-being-in-Washington thing. "Babysitting I expect?"

"Robin!" Lily said exasperatedly. "You did know about this?"

Robin shook her head as Lily shoved her glass of white wine into her hand. "How long's he there for?" She asked innocently.

"Forever!" Lily said exasperatedly. "Robin, he's moving to DC. For good."

*--*--*

_Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve?  
One who keeps tearing around,  
One who can't move._

She was frozen to the spot. Robin's limbs felt heavy, her head slightly divorced from the rest of her. How could this happen? When did this happen?

"It was a really sudden thing," Marshall explained, as if he could read her mind. To be fair, he'd had so much practice with Lily and Ted over the years, he probably _could_! "Last week, everything went to hell here at GNB and Barney was flying all over the country."

That would explain all the missed calls and weird messages from him. She'd definitely picked up on something, something that had caused her to rush back here. But she'd never in a million years thought it was this.

"And then they offered him this huge promotion. He said he was going to talk to you about it."

Robin's smile was fixed. "I expect he tried to. But I was all over the place this last week. I know I tried to talk to him but…" Her throat closed up and she couldn't continue.

"What are you doing here anyway honey? It's so amazing to see you but we weren't expecting to see you until the end of April!"

Robin shook her head. She was close to tears but she couldn't break down, not in front of these guys. "I've got a new job. Here in New York. I'm moving back home…" Her voice went weirdly high in the last couple of words.

"You're moving back here?" Marshall said with an incredulous laugh.

"Wow…" Ted dead-panned. "Talk about ironic."

"I know!" Robin said, her lip wobbling, and Lily reached out for her, squeezing her hand.

"So you're staying here for good?" Ted continued, a shadow passing over his eyes. Even now he was happily married, even though he had two incredible children, there was still that thing between them, that "might have been".

"Yeah," she said, struggling for control. "I mean, there will be some travel but…" She swallowed, shaking her head. All these years she'd refused to be tied down and the minute she even considered the possibility of anything else, even that small chance was taken away from her.

"Oh honey!" Lily said excitedly, giving her another hug. "It's so great to have you home! I've missed you so much!"

"Lil, it's only been a month!" Robin protested with a smile. Tears pricked her eyes again. Why in the hell was she getting all over-emotional?

"I know, but it's your birthday coming up-"

Ted and Marshall gasped and they all tensed. Robin had told them again and again…

"So," Marshall said hurriedly, "We were thinking of going out to visit Barney in a couple of weeks. He's been pretty low recently, you know, overwork…"

"Yeah, Sarah and I have been talking about taking the kids up to the Capital…" Ted agreed.

Robin let the talk wash over her, let reality bounce off her skin. She kept telling herself that Barney might walk in any minute. Eventually, the pressure just got to much. "Marshall, how could Barney just up and leave to get a new job in less than a week? This is ridiculous!"

Lily smiled at her sadly. "Honey, isn't that exactly what you've just done."

Robin nodded. Her friend certainly had a point.

*--*--*

_Don't you love farce? My fault I fear.  
I thought that you'd want what I want.  
Sorry, my dear. _

_But where are the clowns? Quick, send in the clowns.  
Don't bother, they're here.  
_

"Hey, Scherbatsky…"

Robin's heart skipped at the sound of his voice. She lay down on the bed and kicked off her shoes.

"You'll never guess where I am…" He said, sounding excited. "I'm-"

"In Washington DC?" She laughed as he made a gurgling sound.

"Robin!"

"I'm sorry, lover-boy. You carry right on!"

"I'm in Washington DC!"

"No way!" She drawled in a faux west-coast drawl.

"I totally am!" He replied excitedly. "Hey, hold it. How did you know?"

"Lily…"

He laughed. "So she told you about the job?"

Robin sighed. "Yeah."

"Hey - what's with the sarcasm, Scherbatsky?"

She gulped. "Well, you never guess where I am?"

"Sitting under the Tour Eiffel, sipping chardonnay and trying to nail a gendarme?"

"Barney!"

"What?"

"I'm in your apartment."

"What?"

"I'm in New York?"

"I heard you. I meant… what? Why? You came home?"

It broke her heart the way he said the last word, like a little boy.

"Because I missed you. There was an opportunity… a job." Was she crazy admitting to that? She'd never gone so far before, never been so open. She'd shown him with her lips, her embrace, by jumping him before the door had closed behind her. But now he was just so far away. Was this how he felt, every time _she_ went away?

"You're in New York?" He said, after a pause.

"Barney?" She needed something from him, anything. "Look, I know this sounds weird," she said, feeling more helpless by the second. "But you were right, okay? I've said it. I'm going to- I _was_ going to give up my apartment. Live with you…" She swallowed. It was too little, she realised. Too late. Far too late.

"You want to live with me?" He sounded like he didn't believe her.

"Well, not in DC, obviously." She said, trying to laugh.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"Don't do this to me," she said. "Barney, talk to me."

"I gotta go…" He said. And the click as the phone disconnected sounded horribly final.


	2. Chapter 2

_Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer,  
Losing my timing this late in my career?  
And where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns.  
Well, maybe next year._

She spent that Saturday at Lily and Marshall's place, she and Lily swathed in flannel PJs, eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watching chick flicks. She'd found out that the correspondent job wasn't actually available for three more weeks, which left her at a loose end in New York.

She almost wished she'd stayed in Paris.

She'd called Barney and he didn't pick up. He'd called her and she'd been in the shower. Then she'd called him over and over for an entire day and got his messaging service every single time.

Three weeks in New York on her own was going to be like purgatory. Why did this always seem to happen with her and Barney? This was as bad as when they'd first got together - him pining for her followed by her pining for him, both too terrified of losing the other's friendship to make the first move. She thought she'd got him figured out. She thought she'd got everything figured out. On the flight back over the Atlantic everything had seemed so clear.

Then she got a call from the station and they had a courier rush a package for her over to Lily and Marshall's.

It was a very large box containing a bunch of foam peanuts and a single piece of paper.

It was a first class air ticket to the Caribbean island of St Lucia.

*--*--*

"Are you going? Seriously?" Lily asked her.

"It's Barney."

"You think so?"

"Jesus Lily, who else is it going to be?" She couldn't help but shiver as a thrill of excitement went through her.

Lily drained her wine. "How long before the plane leaves?"

"About six hours."

"I'll get Marshall to drive you." Lily smiled at her and kept smiling. She had that look in her eyes - that look that said babies and kittens and it made her stomach twist.

Because that wasn't her and it wasn't Barney.

The most she could hope for was an end to the nagging, drawing pain in her gut that she'd been feeling since she'd found out he'd moved to DC.

The most she could hope for was closure.

*--*--*

The colours hit her. The light. Everything was so bright, the sky was so blue, the lush foliage of the jungle as they sped through the countryside… such a contrast to the slate grey of February in New York, to the iron silver river and frozen back streets of Paris.

It was like a garish, tropical dream.

It was hot, too hot for her body to acclimatise. She'd stripped down to a cotton sundress on the plane but the light material clung to her body, beneath the swell of her breasts, between her thighs. Her hair was a tangle, her face was shiny and red-raw. She looked a mess.

But she was here.

There was a cab ready for her at the airport. Well, a four-by-four. She had no idea where they were going but the driver explained to her (in tattered franglaise, before she forced him into French) that they were driving up to one of the Terrace properties, with a "spectacular view of the Pitons" (apparently).

When they arrived, she had to admit that it was breathtaking. The hacienda was entirely open-walled with a bay view from the huge, queen-sized bed. All around were brightly coloured flowers - cerise, sunflower-yellow, cobalt blue. There were palm trees. There was a fully stocked bar next to the bed. Robin slipped off her shoes and padded around the building to find a huge infinity pool on the terrace and Barney, wearing a linen suit and sipping a martini.

"Hey, Scherbatsky!" He put down his glass and got to his feet and she just shook her head, rushing towards him and almost knocking him over as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him and kissed him and held on to him tightly.

Screw New York. They had TV stations in DC, didn't they?

*--*--*

Later (a lot later) they were relaxing in the pool. Robin was almost completely submerged, her head resting back against the side. She closed her eyes and exhaled, listening to the circadias play their night music. Barney's knee was pressed against her own.

"So," she said finally. "You're coming back to New York?"

"Are you kidding?" She could hear the grin in his voice, even with her eyes closed. "I'm way too awesome for DC. Plus, not the biggest party town." He shuddered, she could feel the vibration through her leg, then his fingers creep up her thigh. A smile played across her lips.

"So…" He continued. "You're really giving up your apartment?"

She laughed. "Yes." His finger swept up her torso until he was cupping one of her breasts. She felt him scooch over.

"Marry me, Scherbatsky."

She opened her eyes to find him staring straight at her, an inch away. Even in the low light the effect was startling. Even without the content of his words. "What?" She asked, outraged.

"I'm serious!"

"So am I! Stop being ridiculous!" When his face fell, she tried to soften her tone a little bit. "Barney, we don't have to get married. We're together because we want to be, not because someone else, some piece of paper, tells us we should be." He moved away from her and sat back against the wall of the swimming pool. She felt a pang of guilt. "Why ask me now? Why today?"

He mumbled "February 14th?"

She snorted. "Really? I had no idea." She guessed it was his attempt at being romantic but Valentine's day was for the rest of the world. They showed that they loved each other every single day!

"The date really doesn't matter. If you wanted me to, I'd ask you once a week for the rest of my life."

He sounded so serious that she was sure he was screwing with her.

"Barney…"

Suddenly there was a bright flash. She rolled her eyes. "Did you just take a photo of my boobs?" She heard a click, still blinking bright purple spots away.

"That's better," He mumbled. "They just looked so perky in the moonlight."

"And you expect me to marry a man who takes stealth pictures of my boobs?"

He pressed his lips against hers. "You think that was stealthy?"

She laughed. "Don't worry, I'm expecting a video camera in the bedroom." She reached forward, her fingers encircling his stiffening dick. "We can watch the footage together tomorrow. Edit together a video postcard to send home."

He groaned. "Marry me?"

She laughed. "You promised me you'd only ask me once a week."

"For the rest of my life."

"I'll hold you to that," she said, shutting him up with a long, insistent kiss.

*--*--*

Epilogue.

Ten years and two months later.

Robin rubbed her neck, flicking through the photos in the electronic picture frame. She hated digital photographs. You couldn't cry over them and make blobs that swelled in the paper, distorting people's faces. You couldn't cut out people you didn't like any more and burn them in a fit of revenge. The pictures didn't yellow and age. They remained a perfect snapshot in time, showing a younger you, a you with less wrinkles, less worry, less heartbreak, less grief.

Robin grimaced. The photographs of a trip to Saint Lucia, so many years ago that she'd forgotten the exact date, those photographs taunted her.

Didn't they take a lot of dirty photos? Where were they?

Barney would know.

She swallowed, blinking back tears. This was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Stupid. It had been two months. Two months! Why was she still fixated, dwelling on the past? Why did it feel as if any moment she would be pulled down into the abyss, demons grabbing at her ankles?

She heard the familiar slow knocking of a cane hitting the hardwood floor and smiled. She wasn't going anywhere. Not yet, not for a long time. She fiddles with the underside of her wedding ring, turning it on her finger with her thumb.

"You remember the one I took of your boobs?" He whispered, his lips brushing her earlobe. He places a hand on her bare shoulder.

"Yeah, I was literally just thinking about that!" She laughed. "Get out of my head."

"Come to bed?" He said, throatily. He sounded tired.

She turned around to look at him. "You okay?" He opened his mouth to say something flippant but she shook her head. "Don't. You're not forty anymore. You're lucky to be alive." He looked like he was about to sulk so she rolled her eyes and said "okay, let's dig out one of our old holiday films and…"

He pushed her back onto the sofa and showed her just how alive he still was.


End file.
